On Liking People
I recently picked up one of Jen Hatmaker's audiobooks to listen to during my commute. For the Love is one of the latter in a slew of books written by this popular blogger. I keep hearing her mentioned and lauded around on social media. Then, she got caught up in a controversy about her "stance" on a certain theological issue, which further piqued my interest.
To be fair, Hatmaker self-identifies as a sort of Christian lifestyle comedian, so she's more like an older friend/mentor to dish with over coffee than the theologian you seek for complex Biblical questions. With that in mind, I decided I would give her a listen.
I didn't like her.
Her tone is a little brassy for my taste, and though I appreciate the effectiveness of strategic sacrilege, I'm turned off by people who seem to have a general irreverence when discussing Biblical ideas. She also called me "sister" and "girlfriend" and "dear precious reader" which I find a bit too chummy in an author. Jen, you don't know me.
But...then she made a joke about Spanx that made me laugh. And...then she offered a poignant reflection about mothering that made me cry. So I took back my initial judgement and decided that Jen Hatmaker, and the fullness of her sass, might be an interesting coffee date after all.
As I've gotten older, I have learned to reserve judgement when I first meet someone. Sometimes...even after I've know them for quite a while. Perhaps you have had a similar experience—someone new joins your small group or becomes friends with a friend, and they are just not your style. Maybe they share articles that you think are dumb or they love indie movies and you just want a comedy. They don't eat like you. They don't talk like you. They don't vote like you. They might even like sports.
Be it through work or church or otherwise, we find ourselves quite regularly in these kinds of circumstantial relationships with people that just don't "click." As Christians, we know better than to be outright rude or dismissive, so our general response is often something like distant tolerance. Yet, time and time again for me, many of these initially "unlikable" people become very dear friends. And—turns out—sometimes people don't like me at first, either.
So I've resolved to embrace the wrong-rubbing folks who come into my life and to trust in the Lord's providence over my social engagement. The church body thrives in diversity. That includes cultural, racial, and socio-economic difference—and it also includes weird personalities. We grow both in hearing the different perspectives of others, as well as in learning to love, value, and appreciate the people behind those perspectives. Plus, you never know if there could be a good Spanx joke lurking right under the surface, waiting to shift the narrative, shift the tone, and bring with it a new best friend.