Bed Rest and Non-Stress Tests

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  - Proverbs 16:9

About three weeks ago I went in to see a specialist for a routine ultrasound. He was checking that our little one has all her fingers and toes, and in the process noticed that she is a little small for her age. It's not necessarily a bad thing, we were told (and our internet research confirmed!), but something to be cautious of. It's possible that she's just a smaller kiddo, or it may be that she is not getting enough nourishment to grow at an acceptable rate. My regular doctor encouraged me not to worry, but explained that they would treat it as a worst-case-scenario, just in case. That meant no more exercise, no driving (and thus a mandate to work from home), and MORE CALORIES. They would monitor the baby's heartbeat twice a week during what is called a Non-stress Test, and I would do my best to sit still and eat as much as I can so that the baby would get the maximum amount of blood and nutrients.

I'm now several weeks into what I've been referring to as "casual bed rest" (because thankfully I don't have to stay strictly in bed, laying down all day), and it has been quite a trip. Much of the testing and measuring has gone really well - Baby is kicking up a storm and I'm continuing to gain weight* - which Phil and I find encouraging. While there have certainly been ups and downs to my fears over the baby's health, I would say on the whole, the worrying has kept to a minimum, which is more a testament to God's graciousness with me than my own will-power to put on a happy face. The whole situation really necessitates prayer - not only because I have very little control over our baby's health and growth, but also because I am powerless to keep my wits about me. This wasn't exactly a part of my "plan."

At our most recent follow up, the doctor suggested that they may want to induce labor in a few weeks if her growth continues to be meager. She's currently about five and a half pounds, which seems very reasonable to me for a baby that has 3 weeks left to cook, but their view is that if she's not growing very well in utero, then they can do a better job feeding her out here. Again, not what we'd planned.

For I Know the Plans I Have for You...

As I find myself confronted with some unexpected circumstances in this last month, I feel particularly challenged by the appropriate way to view and respond to these things in light of the gospel. Our approach to this pregnancy was to spend thoughtful time and effort understanding the physiological nature of birth, and I guess somewhere along the way I had begun to assume that my diligence in studying and preparing would warrant the outcome I hoped for. Of course I wouldn't have actually said it out loud, but I think deep inside, I had started to believe that because I was being so responsible, that of course God would give me what I wanted in a birth experience (it feels gross to even type that out—how dare I be so demanding?).

For instance, I intended to work up until just before my due date so that I could allow myself the maximum amount of time after the birth to bond with our baby. I also wanted to have time to design the fall show, Three Sisters, and work with our new director. I forecast my schedule so that I could complete everything needed just in time to take a few days off before entering the wonderful world of mommy-hood.

I didn't realize just how much I had invested in this timeline until the doctor told me that it needed to change. In fact, when we first heard the news about the baby being small, I was more concerned with the ramifications on my work and schedule than what potential problems the baby might have. That is not to say we weren't worried for the baby, but having only a small possibility that there was a real problem meant, for me, that it was useless to sound the alarm just yet. There was a 100% chance, however, that this was going to interrupt quite a few things that remained on my pre-baby checklist. Being so well acquainted with my sin, I don't know why it was surprising to me to uncover this flash of selfishness, yet it was. Repentance and surrender. I had been saying, "not my will but yours, Lord," and now it was time to put the money in my mouth, so to speak.

What makes the situation difficult to grapple with is wondering whether or not bed rest is really necessary. What if I had never seen this specialist? Would I have even known that Baby's growth rate was abnormal? What if his estimation of her weight is off? (This is apparently very common.) What if she really is just fine? Dwelling on these questions is very tempting, but ultimately, I find myself clinging to the fact that I serve a sovereign God. For whatever reason, God allowed me to go to the specialist, hear this news, and receive this directive from my doctors to slow down. I don't know exactly why, but I can trust that the Lord is good and His ways are righteous. Rather than battle the what-ifs, I choose to submit to His authority in the matter, and do my best to sit still and eat.

The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth**

Another part of our preparations that may soon be tossed off the table is our goal to pursue an unmedicated birth. We took a 12-week course in the Bradley Method, which aims to provide women with the support they need to give birth naturally. The course teaches you what to expect during labor and offers techniques to help you relax through the pain. And the benefits seem manifold.

First, a couple who is knowledgeable about the subject of labor and delivery will experience less fear during what can be quite a traumatic experience for both mom and dad. Studies have shown that fear can heighten your experience of pain, so the more you know, the less panic-stricken you will be during labor, or so the logic goes. When considering a class, Phil and I really wanted a forum to learn and ask questions about such a foreign topic. The no-holds-barred conversations were really helpful for us to wrap our heads around what to expect and actually made me feel like, hey, maybe this is possible for me.

Second—and this is where I think they hook hippie folk like me—practicing relaxation and meditation (and I would add prayer) helps you to remain calm during labor. You aren't going to suddenly turn yogic in the moment if these are skills that you aren't used to tapping. Bradley Method also teaches optimal body positions for different phases of labor and other tips to manage the pain. This is one very unique time in life where pain is not an indicator of something "wrong" —actually during labor, the more the pain progresses, the closer you are to delivering your baby. So they try to help you wrap your head around that idea and be prepared mentally to embrace the pain. This is also supposed to help because a mind that is fighting off labor can actually slow down what the body is doing. (Aren't we phenomenally complex beings?)

Finally, they really stress the importance of support from Dad-to-be. Recognizing that much of what a couple has learned may escape Mom entirely (I assume I'll be too busy experiencing to actually think clearly), Dad is especially important to support the process of labor. More than just timing contractions, Phil can interface with the doctors, suggest different relaxation techniques, make sure I'm staying hydrated—a whole slew of things that I probably won't remember to do.

All in all, there's a little bit of propaganda involved that you have to be willing to overlook. Hospitals are not the enemy, though Bradley folks sometimes make you think your doctors are out to get you. And I don't buy the idea that I "deserve" to have the birth experience I want - I think there are much bigger things at stake than my own happy experience. But we found many compelling reasons to at least give natural childbirth a shot. There are different risks associated with the various medical practices that come standard in hospitals today, most of which are very slight, but nonetheless there. Natural childbirth also has many benefits for both mom and baby, from a potentially faster recovery time to certain positive hormonal changes/reactions. And call us theater people, but as a general rule, I really appreciate yoga and different natural (hippie?) practices. These things are very conducive, for me at least, to prayer and meditation on God.

To Induce or Not to Induce?

If our doctors do push for an induction, it would really usurp our best laid plans for birth. We will have to determine at that time whether or not to respect their recommendation or try to hold out to see if she will come on her own. We'll have to weigh the risks of medically jump-starting the process with the potential that the baby is undernourished. No one can "make" us have an induction, but we do want to be responsible and wise in how we respond to the factors given.

Since the beginning of our pregnancy, we have been saying that we want to create a "birth philosophy" rather than a "birth plan" - goals to pursue rather than hard and fast demands or expectations. Part of this is our recognition that there are many things in labor you cannot plan for, but more important than that, we want to remember that God will give us the birth story that He intends for us. As I pray through this in the coming weeks (and you can pray for us in this too!), I cling to God's good and loving nature. We trust that He will guide us through this process and grow us in ways we hadn't imagined.

*My freshman-15 college self is rather annoyed at how difficult it has been to pack on the pounds. Who knew that being told I must eat ice cream actually makes it a little difficult to enjoy it?

**Take into account, these are my initial thoughts on Bradley Method. If we do have the opportunity to put into practice the things we've learned, I'd love to write a post-evaluation on the topic. Many of my friends have had great experiences with natural childbirth, so I am certainly curious to see what my own reactions may be like.