Reflections on Motherhood, Month One
Yesterday was Eloïse's one month birthday, and so it seems only appropriate for me to offer some reflections on her first 31 days of life.
During my pregnancy, many people gave me anecdotes and advice for what to expect with my newborn. Now—recognizing that all babies are different—some of that advice has been super helpful, while plenty of it does not apply for us (or at least, not yet). However, as babies are wont to do, Little E has taught me quite a few lessons of her own about what it takes to rear a child. Here are just a few of the things that I've learned during Baby's first few weeks:
Lists and Goals
I am a self proclaimed list maker. Every day when I get into work, I consult my to do list. It's divided by area (web, print, etc.) with all sorts of scribbles, circles, and stars that indicate to me what needs to be done and in what order. So it only makes sense that while on break from this high-power, private school communications gig (slight sarcasm), I would devise something similar for my new position as Household CEO. I knew that motherhood would be a bit of a slow down, but it feels really good to check off accomplishments for the day, however small they may be. Even if my to do list looks like this:
1. Go for a walk. 2. Buy diapers online.
And even if I am unable to get to item number one until 6 pm, it still feels really great when I everything done.
Breastfeeding
Everyone tells you that breastfeeding will be hard. What they don't explain, though, is exactly what that means. Which part is hard? In what way is it hard? For how long will it be hard? Unfortunately, I am going to perpetuate this cycle for the very reason that I think other women do—it's a little personal for public discussion. (Male readers, you may now take a sigh of relief. No TMI post today.) I'm sure that not wanting to scare friends away from motherhood also plays a factor, but mostly I think people would prefer to keep all of the nitty gritty close to the vest. That being said, I am more than happy to have these discussions off-line for anyone preparing to or considering breastfeeding because I do think it is worthwhile. And like the friends I frantically texted on day four, I too can say with confidence, it will get easier.
The topic of breastfeeding leads nicely into my next point...
Maternity Clothing
I was quite proud of myself for having bought only 2 actual maternity items during my entire pregnancy: one dress and one pair of jeans. Everything else I wore was either borrowed maternity wear or, more commonly, just blousy tops and empire waist dresses. I figured I could wear all of these in the months after the birth, since they are sufficiently roomy to mask my recovering figure.
I did not anticipate, however, that postpartum clothing would also need to be nursing friendly. This eliminates nearly all of my dresses, and though my free-flowing blouses are great, I only have one pair of black maternity jeans and a slew of running shorts to wear with them. Next time, I won't feel bad splurging $24.99 on a few more pairs of maternity pants at H&M. Especially if it takes a while to shed the rest of these extra preggo pounds.
Spit Up
This may be one of the most disappointing (and disgusting) aspects of new motherhood. First, you can just forget about hoping to show off by mid-afternoon that outfit you put on the morning. Our record is destroying a clean top before we even get the second sleeve on. I have a very spit-up-happy baby. And spit up is really gross. It stains, so not only do you have to calm the baby, hope she doesn't upchuck anymore, and try to scrub stuff out asap, but then there is all the extra laundry...
For this reason, I've instituted a 2 outfit rule: once she soils the second onesie, she gets to go naked for a little while until we try again.
Baby Blues
I always thought that when people got postpartum depression, it was because they felt like the baby has stolen their life—they can no longer go out or even use the bathroom due to their overly-needy, always-crying baby. I figured the root of the struggle tended to be rather selfishly motivated and was prepared mentally for the kind of dying-to-self attitude that I presumed would be necessary in these first months. I was determined to cheerfully tackle the challenges head on.
But I have discovered a whole slew of other tear-inducing aspects to new motherhood. I was particularly hit hard by all the ways in which I feel completely inadequate. Running on so little sleep at times can really add to the sense that I am somehow defective in skills that I assumed were integral to being a woman. When I can't seem to get her to calm down and fall asleep or when she spits up everything she just ate, it's easy to get caught up in the downward spiral of doubt and self loathing. I seriously don't know how you could do this job without some serious support. Phil has had a substantial impact on my sanity, encouraging me when I'm at the end of my rope and pointing me to God's loving care and sovereignty when I am tempted to worry.
General Notes
Just a few more miscellaneous observations: My Bob Stroller is legit; it's like pushing through butter. Babies like to go cross-eyed on occasion (the doc says this won't stick). Pink clothes can dye your whole load a soft rose hue. Needing 8 hours of sleep is hogwash. You will never catch her cutest faces on camera.
And being a parent is awesome. I highly recommend it.
Conclusion
Finally, I will leave you with this: as many a debate rages over your side of the aisle in the important controversies (Obama vs. Mitt, Harry vs. Ron, that werewolf guy vs. the vampire), here are a few camps into which I fall thus far (no guarantees you won't see some flip flopping, though, before it's all said and done):
Team Breastfeeding Team Pacifier Team Co-sleeping
I am also firmly pro-choice when it comes to childbirth methods and pain meds, though I'll probably try again for a natural delivery next time
around.
Jury is still out on the following: diaper brands, favorite shampoo smells, the Diaper Genie, baby wraps, and Amazon Mom vs. Costco. Thoughts and suggestions are welcome.
