The Princess Bathroom is for Girls

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess called Eloïse Princesss...

I should be careful how I begin this post. Princesses weren’t as much of a craze during my childhood as they are for 4-8 year olds today, but I, too, was captured by their allure. I loved watching Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Aladdin. I spent the entire summer after The Little Mermaid came out pretending that I was Ariel when I swam in the pool. I still hear Belle's reprise at the back of my mind from time to time, "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere..." I began collecting Disney art prints during high school that I had framed in my bedroom. (I still have them somewhere, though I am not sure now where…), and a few of my longer-standing friends will remember the time in college when I was a princess—one of those costumed entertainers that parents hire for their daughter’s birthday party.

Still, Phil and I have been particularly careful about what kind of princess messaging our daughter hears at home. I think a lot of feminists are rightly wary these days of what princess culture teaches little girls—that their value comes from their appearance or that the ultimate goal in life is to wed (and wed rich if you can). Christians should also be wary of these underlying messages because they are contrary to what the Bible says about women.

At the same time, you can’t avoid princesses just like you can’t avoid LA traffic (unless you never go outside). A few weeks ago, as we were getting dressed, my not-yet-three-year-old told me that she was a princess. We've never explicitly called her that, so I investigated. “Oh, really?” I asked. “What makes you a princess?” And she told me that it was because she was wearing a dress.

Oh the mind of a child. To Eloïse, the definition of a princess is as simple as the clothes you wear. When she wears a dress, she is a princess, and when she wears pants she is “just Eloïse.” Consequently, I am also a princess now when I wear a dress.

Then, on our vacation, I began trying to explain to her the difference between the universal signs for men’s and women’s bathrooms. The picture of the person wearing a dress means "girls" and the person wearing pants means "boys." Now whenever she sees a bathroom sign, she tells me, “The Princess bathroom is for girls.”

And so it went, until the night that Eloïse asked me to tell her a story. “Tell me a story about Eloïse Princess,” she said.

Caught slightly off guard, I began out of habit: “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Eloïse…” Then I caught myself. It’s all too easy to speak of princesses in terms of beauty and castles and princes. I stumbled through some poorly constructed tale of adventure. She hung on every word, but I wasn't very happy with it.

I realized that if this was going to become a regular request, I needed to figure out how I might shape her understanding of princesses before the rest of the world starts to. If she is going to aspire to be a princess, is it possible for me to define the character traits of princesses in a way that points her to God’s design for her life?  I don’t mind her wanting to dress up, style her hair, or play with make up. I enjoy those things, myself, as well. But I want her to see them as secondary. I want her to know that God looks at her heart, at the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in His sight (1 Samuel 16:7; 1 Peter 3:3-4).

Now, Eloïse can speak the opening lines with me (There are also hand motions—toddlers love hand motions):

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess called Eloïse Princesss. And she had blonde curly hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful smile, just like that! Eloïse Princess was very STRONG and BRAVE and WISE...

Eloïse Princess usually goes on some kind of adventure or quest, or maybe she just takes her friends camping. I’m getting better at coming up with something on the fly, though my stories are a bit formulaic. There are often forest animals saved. Once, she used Google images to identify a bird species (no one's contacting me to publish). But as I spin these new strange tales, I’ve been trying to find ways to incorporate truth about God into the narrative and to feature her strength, bravery, or wisdom in the resolution of the problem. Phil and I occasionally make a cameo, and there aren’t any princes yet, though I'm sure those will come. For now, if she is going to fall asleep dreaming of the princess life, I want it to be the most full, vibrant, God-honoring life that I can help her imagine.