Nurturing Life: Mothering as a Job Skill
Today we reach the final trait that I want to explore in the mothering metaphor. We’ve looked at the ways in which all women are included in the maternal tasks of nourishing and housing life, but in order to dive into the idea of nurturing life, we have to take a step back.
A major question in the conversation about womanhood is where to really draw the lines of distinction. Because biologically, we are much more like our brothers than we are different. Remember in the garden, Adam’s first response to Eve was that she was “same of the same”? So we aren’t from different planets—we were built together to rule this one. Not surprisingly, the majority of the Biblical text is devoted to helping us understand our collective humanity in relation to the nature of God. We are first and foremost invited to follow Jesus as neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female. Because the goal for all of us is to reflect God’s image for the purpose of flourishing in our communities, we will find that much of this work overlaps between men and women.
A look at the science can be helpful here. While research has observed that most human organs are gender neutral (in fact, our brains have very little gender distinction), there are still some distinct, undeniable physical and hormonal differences that affect us in utero and during major developmental milestones like puberty and childbirth. We are holistic persons. Our physical bodies are not merely a vehicle for our brain, so the “self” should be recognized as a beautiful and mysterious mashup of mind, body, and soul.
Given the complexity and variety in our biological makeup, we must also remember that the observable differences between male and female aren’t perfectly deterministic. They are based on group averages, meaning that they offer general truisms of the group while making space for outliers. For example, while men are, on average, taller than women, there are many individual women who are taller than specific men.
A thoughtful definition of womanhood draws on these observable sexual differences with an expectation that a community of men and women give us a more complete picture of our unknowable God than any specific man or woman could. The equation is not “man + woman = image of God” because reflecting the Imago Dei is a group project. Individuals manifest the various aspects of their gender to differing degrees, and as a collective, we live as ambassadors to a watching world.
In other words, there really should not be completely separate spheres.
Now, back to nurturing. I must confess that this is the part where the exact word study has brought me to a bit of an impasse. There are several words in the Bible that could fall under the umbrella of “nurturing,” which in English, means to care for the growth and development of another. In reality, we see that fathers are also called to nurture, train, and develop their children. So which part of nurturing is decidedly female?
From my understanding of Biblical culture, women in the bet ab structure were responsible for the physical care taking of the youngest children and for their character development (think Lois and Eunice for Timothy). As boys grew, their father would apprentice them in the family trade, and formal religious education would be conducted by (male) rabbis.
I think the best vision for the feminine side of nurturing comes from the words of Jesus in Matthew 23:
“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you desolate.” (23:37-38)
The Bible records similar avian word pictures for the nature of God in several Psalms, Ruth, and also quite beautifully in Deuteronomy. Here also, we may note that many bird species co-parent and occasionally share nesting duties. But in this passage, the picture Jesus paints is of the specific closeness of the mother hen. What is distinctive about the protection offered from the mother is that she draws her chicks into her own body, almost, in a way, back to the safety of their first house, in order to keep them secure. This is different from the image of a warrior who goes out into the fray to fight battles on our behalf, or even from the hunter who returns with food to provide nourishment. The image of God as a Mother Hen reminds us that His protection includes nearness. We have access to the warmth and comfort of the bosom of God.
But while we are on the subject of the nesting habits of birds—and as I am literally in the final stages of nesting for my newest human bundle—I am struck by the physical realities that affect a woman’s nurturing capacity.
Most jokes and knowing eye-brow raises regarding pregnancy focus on the drastic physical changes—swelling stomach, varicose veins, parts that sag or leak or never quite go back to where they used to be. But even in the midst of this wear and tear, remarkable changes are happening hormonally. Estrogen and oxytocin work together toward the end of a woman’s pregnancy to prepare her to nurture the coming infant, and additional hormones surge during labor and breastfeeding. Nerve-junctions in the brain at this time are actually rewiring to hard-code caregiving. These brain changes affect a woman’s capacity for attachment and refine her nurturing skill set.
As we considered earlier, these physiological changes for women who experience childbirth are not deterministic for all of womanhood. Pregnancy—though fascinating and life-altering—is not the gateway to “true” womanhood. As we consider the metaphorical implications of these physical realities, we chart an inclusive roadmap for all biological females. Women have a unique propensity to nurture.
As a woman raised culturally conservative, I once perceived marriage and children as the best and most desirable path for all women. So when the timeline of my early 20s didn’t match my cultural narrative, I began to fear that I had missed the boat. At some point in that season, I was introduced to Sheryl Sandberg and 3rd wave feminism. Today, the Lean In movement has arguably lost steam (and gained some appropriate critique along the way), but I remain profoundly impacted by the notion that women bring great value to the workplace and our communities, as women. Our goal should not be to masquerade as male professionally but to bring our femaleness into all that we do.
In a recent podcast about how the Bible views women, Dr. Sandy Richter explains that we should think about ancient marriage more like our modern notion of a career path. All childhood education and training—learning to grind grain, bake, weave baskets, throw pottery—were job skills that would help a woman most effectively run her household some day. The patriarch of the family, in arranging his daughter’s marriage, considers the best fit for her skills, how her union will establish important bonds within the community, and what match will lead to the greatest flourishing for all involved.
When a young wife enters the home of her new husband, her work will contribute to the already thriving home—that village-like bet ab community that includes her husband’s brothers and their wives, and perhaps an aging aunt or grandmother. But all her professional tasks in the home are designed to be compatible with nursing young babies and training the children as they grow. This is why most of “women’s work” in that era centered on the home.
Today, our lives look quite different. For those who have children, contributing to the household often includes generating income and may or may not mean working in our actual houses versus an office. But much more significant than the SAHM / WM / WFH discussion is the reality that our culture is no longer shaped in a tribal mold. Fathers do not negotiate our mothering careers by arranging marriages. Instead, we pursue various forms of education, based on our gifting, and are expected to join the workforce. At some point, if children enter the picture (for rarely is the picture designed around them), then we make various choices according to what will honor God and bless our family best.
The 21st century cultural expectation for women has shifted from childbearing to economic productivity, but it does not mean we leave mothering behind. Our same capacity to nurture an infant makes women especially suited for other forms of mentorship. Even those who do spend a majority of their career focused on raising children will find that the 20 or so years of having children at home do not comprise the full extent of their womanhood. Grandmothers, older sisters, aunties and friends are all nurturing in their own ways. Even my 8-year-old is capable of nurturing—not just “practicing” for when she will be a mom—but doing real, good work now.
Nurturing is an important job skill. Is it the most important? Maybe…or maybe not in your industry. But as you consider the people in your sphere of influence and your own biological potpourri, may you display the image of Jesus as that mother hen, drawing people close and cultivating the character and minds of everyone in your midst.
Continue the Growing Life Series
Part 1: All of Us | Part 2: Nourishing | Part 3: Housing | Part 5: Delivering